mournfulmelody

may nagko-comment din pala sa mga posts ko dito...haha, may nagbabasa rin pala nito...

i don't feel electrocuted anymore. weird... you usually give me the chills, but now, everything's ordinary... brutally ordinary.

i guess it was nothing but a false alarm


i wasn't in love with you, i was in love with the idea of falling in love...


so it means that you are not him...great, now i'm back to zero...


how much longer do i have to wait?

are you finally on your way?

old issue... wrote this kinda like a month ago...indulge in the hatred...


This is the last time that I’ll ever let you hurt me
This is the last time that you’ll ever make me cry
I am not gonna waste another tear on you
You’re not worth it
Truth is, you’re not worth anything.

You’re a bunch of worthless, good-for-nothing junk
But I let you hold me in the neck
Your suffocating grip has sucked the life out me
Today I boldly claim my life from you
Let go of me
Let me live

From now on things will be different
I’m leaving my old self behind
I will do things for myself
I will do things to prove my worth
And not to satisfy your needs for ego inflation.
I’m sick and tired of always having to think of you
Of what you might think or how you might react
For the longest time, I have done things just to seek your approval
But today I daresay
No more.

No more tears
No more hurting

You’ve put me through so much pain already
I had enough

I never imagined I could hate you this much

i skipped comress101 class today. i have an assignment in bc 103 that i (deliberately) forgot to do...i spent the whole day yesterday lying around doing nothing...

yep, i didn't go to our household meeting and even to the sector kasangga...i felt that it was best for me to stay home and take some rest... i am tired...super exhausted...

i'm choked up with a lot of responsibilities, TTDs, and deadlines of some sort. aside from that, my life seems to be so full of unnecessary things... i've gotta find a way to de-congest...

i've been forgetting a lot of things lately... old dreams and aspirations seem to have vanished...they are all just memories now...remnants of a past that was full of hope and positive thoughts...now they seem strange to me, they come in sepia and they seem to be just mere memories... how sad...

i've gotta find a way to keep in touch with my old sensible self...i'm beginning to lose her again.

despise this feeling. the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability... i never want to appear weak in front of anybody but i can't help it. my knees shake whenever i sense that he's near...

damn it. i've told myself long before to forgo this thing. i had my life arranged and he's ruining it...

21 units, YFC, SAMASKOM, MCO, Part time job... I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS... but i find myself wishing i had...

am i falling fast???

i hope not

"it's your 7th life"
four little words could elicit so much meaning. plus, it drags along with it too much wieght...too much that it's darn so hard for me to bear.
i have been through 6 lifetimes and still haven't found what i've been searching for...
that's why i came back for a 7th helping of this f*cked up life, i came back for the evasive meaning, for the purpose that always manages to run away from me...
when will i finally stop living? when will i stop coming back?
6 lifetimes, now on the 7th, but with no clear answer...i feel defeated, worthless and overly depressed...



please let me go home....

there are melodies left unsung, perhaps waiting for the right time. or more for the right person who deserves to listen to the tune. people came, people went away, not much of them stayed for long. but hope remains when i think of you and realize that it won't be lng

till the day i get to know you, the day i get to meet you, the day i finally rest my eyes on you. it won't be long till i get to touch you, till the day i get to hold you. and feel the warmth of your hand in mine. until that fateful day, i'll wait...

for me to fall in love is worthless if it weren't on you. i don't care how muuch tears i shed while aiting. i'd rather live my life alone than to lose my chance on you. i believe in you and in the love that we'll soon share, if not in this lifetime, then perhaps on the next. faceless, nameless man, my heart is chained in yours, you have taken hold of me.

i'm just here, we're just under the same sky, i could never be that far...









...i wrote that song for you, another valentine without you sucks the life out of me.


bullshit, this is getting too melodramatic.

one more month before i spring back to life and before i finally get to live my life once more.
in the meantime, i will have to settle with what was laid before me and hope against hope that these sleepless nights and gruesome sacrifices wouldn't kill me further...

all for the love of the org...

yes, i'm willing to die all for the love of the org...












where the hell are you?

when it is dark enough, one can see the stars...
perhaps that's the reason why i can't see you,,, just not yet,,,
from where i am standing, the light is too blinding
i hope it would get dark soon....

you never fail to surprise me. i was caught unaware, i was, well, off guard...it's a little funny though,,,how the the feeling was not how i expected it would be. i thought it would feel more electrifying, more awkward, more awfully beautiful but it wasn't it was just,well,, ok. is it because i have been seeing images of you a little more often than before?

but why does it feel more exciting, to see your image in the faces of other people than to see you yourself right in front of me? i guess you, in the flesh, mesmerize me too much that i find it hard to take it all in...

how long has it been? the last time was when we chanced upon each other in a jeepney but never said hi until you had to go down, right? or was it when i was inside my friend's car and saw you standing in front of that College of yours? whichever is the last doesn't matter, all i know is that it has been so long since i last got see you...

but why does it feel so,, strangely ordinary? i was always looking out for your face, the familiar smile that which brought me down my knees... i was always looking out for you in the sea of faces, the countless smiles and people that surround me..and yet there i was with my taperecorder on hand feeling so brutally ordinary when you passed by...

yes, i guess it has been too long,,, just way too long ago...





btw: you look awful on that maroon shirt but you're still as handsome as before...

it has stopped raining these days, but the air has grown chilly, cold...
not much changed, i am still my same old lost self.
seeking for guidance...
yearning for direction...
when will you come to stop the pain from killing me?

in his clasped fists there lies my being.
he has taken hold of my soul
he has chained my heart to his
and for the first time in years
i have come to love the feeling of captivity
i fear the thought of being free
i am his,
and i pray that i'd forever be...

i love watching raindrops splatter into bits as they hit the cemented road...
i take fancy in what's morbid...
i love the sweet smell of rain...
and of how it dampens and drenches everything it comes in contact with...
i love walking in the rain and being drenched by it...
i believe it washes away all the dirt and slime in my body...
it washes away all the hatred, the pain, the anguish...
it washes away everything that clogs up my being...
and when i'm finally clean, i go back to clogging myself up again...
pathetic?
i take fancy in what's pathetic...